The Tonka Report

Real News In A Changing World

Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

End Transmission…………………………………………………………………

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June 14, 2011: Steven John Hibbs / The Tonka Report (TTR) – June 14, 2011

The Tonka Report Editor’s Note: Ironically, on the two year anniversary of the launching of this site back on June 14, 2009, I bid you all farewell until further notice. Peace and God bless to all… No Fear!! – SJH  

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Are You A Sheeple? Take The Sheeple Quiz For Your Baaaaa Factor

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May 16, 2011: Mike Adams / Natural News – May 16, 2011

This is obviously meant in jest. So do not be offended. This is not a government (taxpayer) sanctioned quiz. However, if you score anything less than perfect, well, suffice it to say, you’re a sheeple– SJH

Have you herd about the Sheeple Quiz? Although most NaturalNews readers will easily beat it, it’s a fun quiz to find out how smart (or gullible) your friends really are.

So let ’em take the Sheeple Quiz! And then you’ll know whether they’re independent thinkers or just zombie-minded sheeple like the rest of the flock.

Here’s the quiz. Choose “A” or “B” as the answer for each question, then check your score below…

The Sheeple Quiz

#1) The purpose of the mainstream media is to:

A) Keep you informed.

B) Feed you misinformation while keeping you distracted from the real issues our world is facing.

#2) Social Security is:

A) A financial safety net that makes sure people have a retirement income.

B) A government-run Ponzi scheme that requires more and more people to keep paying in just to stay afloat and will ultimately collapse into total bankruptcy.

#3) The fluoride dripped into municipal water supplies is:

A) A naturally-occurring mineral.

B) An industrial chemical waste byproduct.

#4) When you donate money to find the cure for cancer, that money goes:

A) To fund research programs that assess actual cancer cures for the purpose of freely sharing them with the public.

B) To fund mammogram campaigns that actually irradiate women’s breasts, causing the very cancers that earn huge profits for the cancer treatment industry.

#5) The national debt is:

A) Under control and will be paid off in a few years.

B) Out of control and will spiral into a runaway debt collapse.

#6) GMOs will:

A) Feed the world and prevent starvation.

B) Threaten the future of life on our planet through genetic contamination and widespread crop failures.

#7) The FDA protects:

A) The people from dangerous medicines.

B) The financial interests of the drug companies.

#8) The EPA’s real agenda is to:

A) Protect the environment.

B) Protect the financial interests of the chemical companies whose toxic products destroy the environment.

#9) The Federal Reserve functions to:

A) Stabilize the economy and keep America strong.

B) Loot the economy and control America’s economy for the interests of the few.

#10) The purpose of TSA checkpoints at airports is to:

A) Keep air passengers safe and secure.

B) Indoctrinate Americans into surrendering to police state invasions of their privacy.

#11) The practical function of the U.S. Supreme Court is to:

A) Protect the constitutional rights of the citizens.

B) Legitimize federal tyranny over the People by ignoring the Constitution and its Bill of Rights.

#12) Vaccines are based on:

A) Gold standard science that conclusively proves their safety and effectiveness.

B) Quackery and fraud combined with a persistent medical mythology that utterly lacks a factual basis.

#13) Herbs and superfoods:

A) Are medically useless and cannot treat, prevent or cure any disease.

B) Contain powerful plant-based medicines that can help reverse and prevent disease.

#14) In Libya, Afghanistan and Iraq, America:

A) Led a humanitarian effort to save innocent people from tyranny.

B) Waged an illegal imperialist war to occupy foreign nations and control their oil.

#15) The U.S. Bill of Rights

A) Grants you rights and freedoms.

B) Merely acknowledges the rights and freedoms you already possess.

=================================================================

Score Your Sheeple Quiz

To score your Sheeple Quiz, simply count the number of times you answered “A” to the questions above.

If you answered “A” 10 times or more…

You are a total news-watching, gullible fairytale swallowing Sheeple! Be sure to keep taking those medications and watching more network news. Don’t bother thinking for yourself because you seem to be incapable of accomplishing that.

If you answered “A” fewer than 10 times…

You are sadly Sheeple-minded but there is hope for your rescue. Learn more about the world around you and train yourself to think critically so you can depart from the herd mentality.

If you answered “A” fewer than 5 times…

You are an unusually intelligent free-minded thinker who questions the world around you and doesn’t buy into the usual propaganda. You still got suckered on a few items, so there’s more yet to learn. But you’re on the right track!

If you answered “A” exactly zero times…

You are the complete opposite of a Sheeple. You’re independent minded, well informed and probably a regular reader of NaturalNews.com. Stay on track and question events in the world around you. Eat more superfoods to maintain your healthy immune system and cognitive function. Avoid the toxic chemicals in foods, medicines and lawn care products. Keep reading the alternative press and voice your intelligent views to others willing to listen. (But don’t waste your time on those who aren’t.)

Thank you for taking the Sheeple quiz here on NaturalNews.

Pink Floyd: The Wall – (Full Video)

 

The Tonka Report Editor’s Note: I can’t think of anything more appropriate to add than, The Wall– SJH

Link to original article below…

http://www.naturalnews.com/032415_sheeple_quiz.html

Written by Steven John Hibbs

May 16, 2011 at 11:05 pm

Graphic New Helmet Cam Video Leaked Of Bin Laden Shot In Head

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May 6, 2011: Uploaded by  / YouTube – May 5, 2011

The Tonka Report Editor’s Note: This is no more absurd than the “official” government fairy tale– SJH

Link to original video below…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGfvhSgEhR4&feature=player_embedded

It’s Time To Pay The Pauper – The Beatles Cartoon “Taxman” 1967

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April 18, 2011: Uploaded by  / YouTube – August 4, 2007

The Tonka Report Editor’s Note: Does the US government give us an itemized statement as to where they are spending all our hard earned money? Because we have to! Why did the American Revolution begin? – SJH

Link to original video below…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hYpAYWqiwo&feature=related

Those Evil Little Commie Bastards In North Korea – Nuke Them All

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April 4, 2011: Uploaded by  / YouTube – December 2, 2010

The Tonka Report Editor’s Note: Posted in honor of all the children murdered in illegal US wars– SJH

Link to original video below…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yE7waNi5dc0&feature=player_embedded

Journey Of Self Discovery Leads A Man To Realize He Doesn’t Care

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February 11, 2011: The Onion Editors / The Onion – February 10, 2011

Flagstaff, AZ – Three months after setting off down a long spiritual path to find himself, 38-year-old Corey Larson arrived at the conclusion Tuesday that he does not care. “I spent many long hours meditating, studying the works of great thinkers and spiritual leaders, and delving deep within myself for some kind of answer, and then it hit me: I couldn’t care less.”

Larson said of his soul-searching journey, “Fuck it. Fuck it all.” Larson briefly considered writing a self-help book to make the journey easier for others, but decided that he also didn’t give two shits about whether other people arrived at the same conclusion he did.

The Tonka Report Editor’s Note: I oftentimes think and ponder exactly the same thing… Fuck it all! – SJH

Link to original article below…

http://www.theonion.com/articles/journey-of-selfdiscovery-leads-man-to-realization,19100/

Do What? ‘Do Nothing’ Website Becomes Latest Internet Sensation?

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February 6, 2011: Times Of Malta Editors / Times Of Malta via SOTT.net – February 4, 2011

A website that invites users to log on and do nothing has become a web phenomenon. The website, has received more than two million visitors since launching 10 days ago, according to its creators, entrepreneur Alex Tew and developer Ben Dowling.

Users arriving at the site are presented with a sunset view and the sound of ocean waves, together with a countdown that resets to two minutes if the mouse or keyboard are touched. Not everyone is up to the challenge, though, explains Tew.

“Only 38 per cent of visitors are managing to take a step back and do two full minutes of nothing, which I think highlights the point of the site.”

Mr Tew, 26, previously found internet fame in 2005 after making $1m with his Million Dollar Homepage, set up to fund his university education. He now hopes his new site will provide an antidote to information overload.

“I read somewhere that our brains are being re-wired by the internet, because we get a little dopamine kick every time we check our e-mail or Twitter or Facebook and there’s a new update. So we’re all developing a bit of ADD, which can’t be good.” According to Mr Tew, the site has received more than 250,000 “likes” on Facebook… [Here again is the link to the actual website, good luck!]    

Do Nothing For 2 Minutes

The Tonka Report Editor’s Note: There’s a smartass in every crowd. Enjoy the Super Bowl. Go Pack! – SJH

Link to link to original article below…

http://www.sott.net/articles/show/223219-Doing-Nothing-Website-Becomes-the-Latest-Internet-Sensation

Written by Steven John Hibbs

February 6, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Posted in Humor, Internet, Media, Satire, Video